remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
