im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
