She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
