I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize