Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
