sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
