I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
