turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize