lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
