Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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