Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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