ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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