and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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