matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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