I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
