You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
