Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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