yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
