she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
