and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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