Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
