pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
