I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
