My liver just broke up with me...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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