I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We got so high we made milksteak
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
