Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
