Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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