I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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