3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
