Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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