i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
