Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
