Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
