I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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