I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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