His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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