I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
