pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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