First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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