i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
