we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize