my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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