I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
