YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
