my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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