She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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