you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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