Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
