I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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