i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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