Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
