I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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