i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
