Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
