Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
