she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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