Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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