Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
