eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
