The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
