Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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