? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
