somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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