Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
