I understand Curling. That high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Couch. On fire.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize