he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
