My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
