I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
