She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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