idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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