my shit smells like andre
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
