I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
