just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
