Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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