the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
