Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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