Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
